We usually set our destination before we head off on our journey, be it a literal one, or the philosophical journey of life. Well let's face it, unless you are a believer of reincarnation, this is it. Our one shot.
But here is one lesson I have learnt along the way. Once you've started your journey, it is important to always check if you still want to go where you are headed to.
Forks, detours and road blocks
As we speed along our pre-determined travel route, it is inevitable that we will encounter things that were not part of our initial plan. Choices and options that we did not know we had, would come up along the way. If we are so fixed upon the destination, it is easy to sometimes to be blindsided by these options. Somehow they become complications. I already knew what I wanted, now you're telling me it is possible to want something else? As if options are problems. They are not. Options are options. So choose.
There are also the unforeseeables (which in this plural form, is not actually a word, but oh heck). As the common Malay saying goes,
"Kita hanya mampu merancang, Tuhan yang menentukannya."
One can only plan. God decides.
The way I see it, if life presents us with so many unexpected twists and turns along the way, it is a way of reminding us to keep our destination in check. If it is truly where you are destined to go, then it will not only be worth the trouble, its value is increased so much more. Though sometimes, the message is a different one. Maybe life is telling you to go another way. It's just a matter of paying attention and reading the signs along the way.
Asking for directions
If you find yourself lost, ask for directions. Ask those you trust, those who see the world from a different point of view, as well as those who have walked down the same road before you. Except the road is really like a river. It never is exactly the same. Someone else's experiences were shaped around their choices and their views. Not forgetting how time has a funny way of changing things. So when people give you advice, listen and appraise. There may be contradicting perspectives from different people, and there may also be advice that you flat out disagree with. As Mary Schmich puts it, "be careful with whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it".
Don't go down the path of Ms Rosenberg. Even if Google Maps asks you to step onto a busy highway, you really don't have to.
Decide for yourself, and be accountable for your own decision. It is, after all, your life.
Tunnel vision
People say dream far, dream big. It is possible, however, that sometimes, dreams are self-limiting. Your dream can be the very barrier to your true potential. So even if everything is going smoothly, and you are comfortably on track to reach your destination, snap out of the tunnel vision once in a while. Take in the big picture. Explore. Step off the tracks - if you don't like what's off the beaten track, then fine, get back on it. But every so often, you'll find yourself face-to-face with possibilities beyond your initial expectations. Where would they lead you to? Something better, perhaps?
They say the journey is just as important as the destination. I don't know who they are, but they are right. Stop. Stop once in a while and enjoy the moment. Appreciate where you are right now. Because once you've moved on, you can't come back to Now. So take in all you can. Learn from all that Now and Here have got to offer you.
The myth of the finish line
In his book The 4-Hour Work Week, the author Tim Ferriss made a point about allowing yourself to not finish what you started. While I understand that T4HWW may not be everyone's cup of tea (I haven't read it myself; was only given the highlights by my husband), I think he has a point there. Occasionally, we find ourselves going through the motions doing something that we no longer take any pleasure in doing, purely because we had already started it. How many hours have we wasted reading that book that we discovered was no good at all, right since chapter two and yet forced ourselves through all twenty-seven chapters just because well, I started it I might as well finish it. By the end of the book you probably still didn't like it any better. Why not put the book down, and pick up another one?
Whenever anyone asks me about the single most important experience in my life, I tell them the story of taxi-driving lady farmer in the outskirts of Melbourne, Australia. I was going through a rough phase at that point, and she was chatty, wanted to know all the gory details. So I vented and ranted about how much stress I was under. But I kept on doing what I was doing because it was something extremely important to me; since I was a teenager, it was something I had wanted to do, to achieve. Then the cabbie, who reminded me of Magda Szubanski, had this to say:
"So what you are saying, love, is that you are a twenty-nine year old woman taking advice on how to live your life from a seventeen year old girl."
And she was absolutely spot on. Luckily for me, in this particular instance, it was still something I believed very strongly in doing so quitting was not an option. I waded through a multitude of rough patches to get to the end point, because it was worth it. But that encounter in Melbourne changed my perspective in life. Don't just continue doing something because you started it. Do it because you want to finish it.
Change is constant
Not only do circumstances around us change, there is also that one fact that few of us like to acknowledge - we change. And that need not be a bad thing. The person we are right now is most likely to be very different from who we were when we started off. In fact, the very act of embarking on this journey contributes to that change. So from time to time, be a bit introspective - review your priorities, re-assess your wants and needs, and if those have changed, then set new goals and a new direction.
In the work that I do, there is a concept known as M&E - monitoring and evaluation. And then there are Strategic Plans and Action Plans. We pay so much attention and put in so much effort in ensuring the success of our organisations and projects, surely our lives deserve all that and more. Be strategic about where you are headed, and set clear action plans for yourself. But always remember what they say about change - it is the only constant thing in life. So monitor continuously, and every so often, evaluate.
Oh, and one last thing; there is no such thing as being in the wrong place at the wrong time. You are exactly where you are supposed to be, when you are supposed to be.
The question is; where you will go next.
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