Stay

I love how really good books have paragraphs that stand out and leave a mark for reasons you can't exactly name.

"It seemed to Edgar that Tinder was still making the leap onto that ledge to join Henry, and in one way or another, he would be making it every day for the rest of his life."

- The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, by David Wroblewski

Revisited

I hate waking up in the middle of the night (well early morning) and being bothered by something I can't fix. Reminded of a mess I thought I've left behind.

Stupid blackberry. I woke up for the usual task of tending to the baby's needs. Then I saw the blackberry signaling I've got mail.

It's a query about a piece of work done way back in 2009. Turns out there is a discrepancy somewhere. This is a job with clients whom I wish to never work with again. I wanted to put that experience behind me but now I have to think about it again and feel all uneasy as the realisation of a mess-up that had gone unnoticed (by everyone - the clients and me) is now being uncovered.

Do I ignore and let it go, or do I even dare to revisit the mess and (try to) fix it?

It's a long time since I lost sleep over work.

Meaning

I am sitting here with a feverish baby A sleeping restlessly on my lap. He had his second round of vaccination shots this morning, and all day he's been softly whimpering while he sleeps. Poor baby. [editing this at 3 a.m. and he is still restless.]

H just called. From Dubai. He's been to Milan a few weeks ago, and now in Dubai en route to Iraq. Yes Iraq, and next week to Oman. Tomorrow morning he's going to a desert somewhere to go on a hot air balloon ride during sunrise. 

I told him I am feeling a touch of freedom-envy. While I love having A be the centre of my universe right now, there is no denying that my world came to a grinding halt and I am now completely and utterly grounded, while at the same time H has taken off and is going places. 

He said that may be true, but my life at the moment has greater meaning.

I like that.
But I also realise it is pointless to envy him his experiences, or to compare who has more meaning and what-not. We share our lives and what we do and our experiences complement and enrich each other's.

And who says I have to stay grounded forever. I do have a choice. And for now I choose to nurture my baby boy. It is the biggest human resource development task in the world.