Validation

I love how God knows what you need long before you do, and every so often, He responds to you in a way that feels very personal, very direct.

I was suddenly feeling overwhelmed with work. The sheer volume and urgency of it had been building up, and last night I stopped for a moment and had the thought, "I'm about to drown".
It was that quiet, eerily clear instant - just as you are about to slip and go under.

Then this email came in. I don't normally put things that are work-related online, or anything that involves others. But the timing of this email, and the personal nature of it (from a major client/collaborator who had, up till now, been all business), is priceless to me.

Oh the timing was exquisite. It was just that little push that I needed to stay afloat. Just to be acknowledged. Just to know I am not alone. And of course, validation.

The email:

K - 
Just wanted to say that I and many others are acknowledging the amazing efforts you are putting into the [work]. We do not know how you do it all and it is all very good quality. Thanks and keep up the good work! I am worried that you are becoming over-burdened and that the load is too stressful. Please do advise and push back if that is the case. 
D. 

Closure

2012 is turning out to be a year of closures.

People from my past seem to be coming forward, making their presence felt again. People I wanted out of my life.

But they came back.
One settled a debt. Another made amends. And the last moved on.

I forgive.
and that frees me.

Nothing that the rain can't fix

It has been raining all day.
The kind of rain I love. But then again, I love all kinds of rain.
Today, it's soft and gentle. You won't even notice it unless you look out the window.
Soft and gentle is perfect for the soul.
Soft and gentle feeds the soul the strength it needs.

All will be right.

If ever again

I had forgotten.
Then I was reminded.
So now I hurt all over again.


Some scars take a long time to heal. If ever at all. Even after years and years, one or two remain raw.

Somewhere deep in my heart I made a promise to myself last night. I don't even know if I want to keep that promise. It wasn't one I made with my head. It was one my heart made for me. Perhaps those are the most important promises of all.

This is the promise my heart made for me last night:
If there is ever a one more time, it will be for me.
No idealisms.
No sacrifices.
No expectations.
No conditions.
No guilt.


It really is a sad thing, to be sad in your heart. It is a cold, lonely place, sadness. Especially this particular kind of sad. The quiet one. It just sits there inside of you, like a pebble at the bottom of a pool.
It's just there.