Did I tell you that when I go down, I go down real low real fast? Well, yeah. I think (I hope) I've reached bottom because I would like to start the slow climb up now. Penat lah.
I'm being reminded of the time my scuba gear malfunctioned and I dropped down to the bottom of the ocean like a tonne of bricks (almost literally because in that moment, I completely forgot about letting go of my weights). What was amazing about that whole experience was how completely calm I was; not an ounce of anxiety. And it was purely because I knew H would take care of me. I could completely let go of all control and he'd take over and make sure I was safe. It's like that trust exercise, you know? The one where you fall back and trust that your partner is going to catch you. It was like that, in real life.
I need to do that now. He's with me, he's offering comfort. And god knows how desperately I am clinging to that, to him. But I still feel like I'm sinking. Even though my head knows I'm in shallow waters.
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