Between the previous post (when I really was a at very very low point) and today, I was spiralling downwards for a few days - showing all the signs of depression actually - but thankfully am coming back up to the surface now.
A few things happened all at once in the last couple of days, that helped make things feel like it'll all be okay again.
I am sorry for the extreme drama, though. Just needed a space to let it out and feel less alone. I am no doctor, but I have long known that I do have the tendencies for depression. When I go down, I go down real low, real hard. Am glad to have this outlet. At one point, I caught myself thinking: "help". That was freaky.
But. Had my first good night's sleep in a week last night. God my body needed that sleep so much!
Am thankful for the positive things that came my way since yesterday.
There's that email from the family elder who explained that he hasn't ignored my apology - he just have internet issues. There's that supportive boss who went out on a limb to defend my credibility and did some damage control. There's that small step towards reconciliation by the people who were angry at me - it's small, but it is a step forward. There's that job offer from Bangkok that reassured me that if all fails here at home, I can always go elsewhere if I want to. There's that writing assignment that I managed to finish up and have such great feedback for. There's that note from a client that says the cheque's in the mail. There's that night out at the Toastmasters that I forced myself to go and do a presentation (which turned out to be a lot of fun) to snap back into life among the living. There's that group of lovely local Miri (new) friends at Toastmasters who have no idea all this is going on, but their sincerity and warmth reminded me that I need to focus on the good people and good relationships I have around me. And finally and definitely not least, there's H with his own way of being there that I've grown to get familiar with, and to appreciate.
Now that I've listed it all like that, I don't think I should be miserable. There's so much to be thankful for.
And Monday's a holiday, and I have no pressing deadlines at the moment (desperation to forget my worries plus insomnia made me clear out a lot of pending work!). H will be around, and I have a nice and easy book to read that I got for RM3 (no more slit-wrists for the year! that previous book was a disaster). And plenty of DVDs to catch up on.
Am getting better. Thank god.
*smiles*
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add another one to that list. just as I published this post, a phone call came in, another job offer. maybe all that doom and gloom really was just in my head.
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